The modern HR Manager’s song; or I am the very model of a modern HR manager 

Summary: Honestly, I don’t know how to summarise this one. I guess it’s a song for all the unsung HR managers out there. Thank you for all you do.

John Crowley • 
The modern HR Manager song

There seems to be lots of blog articles and social media posts that question the role of HR— some of them in less than complimentary terms.  

So, since it’s nearly thanksgiving for our friends across the pond—and because I love a holiday that’s all about saying thank you, even though it’s not something we do here in the UK—I wanted to say thanks to all the HR managers out there by clearing that question up.  

And somehow it turned into a song… in the voice of an HR manager… better not to ask.  

I am the very model of a modern HR manager,
Recruited every one of you from CEO to janitor, 
I know all regulations and employment law parameters, 
From Absence laws to Zero hours, I’ll take on any challenger. 

I’m very well acquainted, too, with training any amateurs, 
Your mental health is vital—I’m a wellbeing ambassador,
About data analysis I’m teeming with a lot o’ news,
With many cheerful facts about developing your talent pools…  

I’m very good at calculating all your leave and holiday,  
Negotiate your contract terms, enumerate your rate of pay, 
For people centred admin there can be no better handler, 
I am the very model of a modern HR manager…

I build your new tra·ject·or·y based on your skills and history, 
And champion equality, inclusion, and diversity. 
Comp·et·en·cy mapping, it’s an undiluted joy to me, 
And some succession planning, it has always been my cup of tea.

I welcome every new recruit, onboarding I will oversee,
Connection, culture, wellness, they are everyday concerns for me, 
Appraisals are my stock in trade, I’m sad to say dismissal too, 
Though I will do it legally, the court room I want to eschew.

I specialise in building teams who work together beautifully,
So, reaching goals is just a joy and not a daily misery,
For people centred admin there can be no better handler, 
I am the very model of a modern HR manager…

It doesn’t matter whether I’m a generalist or specialist,
When I can list your KPI, because I am so good at this,
A health and safety ace, I know my grievance from my discipline,
Be kind through all the hard stuff and you’ll know which HR league you’re in.

I’m always up to date with all the new HR technology,
I’ve got a handle on the jargon and the terminology,
And I know all the tips and tricks for people-centric strategy,
So many tasks in just one role, it’s quite hard to keep up with me.

I must end there, got things to do, I mustn’t stay and chat too long,
Suffice to say there’s lots more too, but I would need another song,
For now, this one will have to do, so sing it, share it, and refer,
When asked, “what is the model of a modern HR manager?” 


Now, I’m no Alan Turing, but I think HR managers might have a lot going on. 

So, thank you for all you do. Even though it’s often thankless.  

(And don’t worry, we’ll be back to our regular scheduled blogging on Wednesday).